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2026-03-20-AVGS - THE HAPPY BUS DRIVERS THEORUM
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Date in the top right is February 18, 2009
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The Happy Bus Drivers Theorem
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When I was in high school I took physics. Not because I was a smart kid, but because I had finished all the other Math classes they offered and this one also counted for science. Generally I did okay in the class. I passed and all, but I wasn't a model student. I was WAY more interested in hitting on the senior girl I sat next to named Brianna. Long black hair and a little bit of a bad girl. Ask me if we ever went on a date. Go on, ask. The answer is no, but I did touch her butt once (with permission, put yer pitchforks away.)

On to my point. We had a homework assignment one night and being the good little student I was, I did my homework in the class prior. We grade our assignments and one of the questions involves figuring out how many bus drivers are needed for any given metropolitan area, given it's population and size. Something went
horribly wrong with my math and I was WAY off. Before I move on, let me let you in on a little secret. I was that kid teachers loved and hated. I was clever, smart and convincing. Case in point, my 11th grade English teacher let me bring a couch into her class room because I didn't like sitting at the desk. Moving on. I quickly re-wrote the formula to the problem so that I was figuring out how many 'Happy Bus Drivers' there would be in any given metropolitan area, given population and size.

Needless to say my teacher, and classmates got a good laugh about it. But I explained my case, walked the class through The Happy Bus Driver Theorem and oddly enough, got credit for the problem.

And now, with out further delay, I present to you for the first time...

The Happy Bus Drivers Theorem

H=number of happy bus drivers P=Population C=Percent that ride the buss B=people per bus S=average number of stops R=average number of roads on route

H=((P*C)/B)/Rx10^-1+(b/s)

So let's put this into practice for the Washington DC area. H=? P=570,000 C=25% B=57 S=8 R=12

So that means H=((570,000*.25)/57)/12x10^-1(57/8)

This means that roughly 25% of the bus drivers in Washington DC are happy, leaving the other 75% unhappy! Fun stuff for a fun world! So remember, odds are your bus driver is unhappy, so be nice to them! Oh, and keep in mind this theorum ONLY works for city bus drivers, there's a whole new set of variables for school bus drivers.